Welcome to my personal vent/creative outlet. In the real world I don't often feel like I can share these feelings with the world. So I am posting them here, in my own little corner of the internet.
I would like to write more happy things but happiness does not have the same overwhelming feeling that pain or saddness does, and thats why I write.
I write so I can relieve my heart of these feelings that I would normally just stuff down and ignore.
I understand that these songs/vents might seem cringe or edgy, but to me these are feelings that I have struggled to deal with for increasing amounts of time. And I think If I tried to keep them down for any longer I might genuinely break down.
And hey if any of this resonates with you in anyway, I am sorry that you have felt that way. Understand that you aren't alone in feeling like this, and there are people out there who understand what is going on. Even if they are just strangers on the internet.
You are not alone.
Ocean envolpe me.
This song has been sitting un-finished in my notes app for a while now. I started writing this when I was still living in my home town (pre Uni). The inspo was this feeling I would get when ever we drove past the water at night time. It was like fear mixed with longing, idk it's hard to describe. But when I lived in that town I felt like I was stuck living a life that wasn't mine. Hanging out with people that I did like, but I had no choice bc I had no other friends and one of my 4 friends was my boyfriend (now ex), so yeah not great. Now due to some poor life choices after moving to uni I am left with 1 orginal friend. I am doing my best to make new friends here.
Now I am completly aware that these lyrics are below medicore. But thats ok becuase the purpose of them isnt to make me a famous lyricist but instead to voice feelings that i usually hold in my heart.
Ocean swell calls my name in the night
Her dark waters whispering to me
The crashing waves promise to wash this feeling away
To take me away from here
Bring me somewhere else
I dont want to be in this place anymore
The water is lapping at my feet
Bringing me to your arms
Listening to your heart beat
Shouldn't this alarm me
Enveloped in your embrace
The waves wash away my tears
But nothing is getting rid of this burning in my throat
Need to sort my affairs but I won't be leaving you a note, so let it be said this is what I wrote
-----(Empty space still I have yet to write----------
Maybe if I breathe a little deeper
the feeling will pass
Maybe if i breathe a little deeper it'll be my last
Let it be my last.
I am entirely aware of how un-finished this is but I do intend to come back
and finish it, in time.
Untitled
Now this one is so recent in devolpment that, I haven't given it a title yet. At the moment it is more like a short form poem than it is a song.
This one is about my self destructive habits and my tendency to run away from my past when I am given an opportunity at the future. Usually meaning I leave people behind without real closure or worse a hasty apology for actions that I have taken to leave them behind me.
This has led me to forming shallower connections when it comes to friends, bc it makes it easier to leave. I am trying to change that bc no matter how much someone says that they like being alone, human nature is to bond. Friendship is a mutually beneficial thing as well yk, when things go wrong and you feel like you're drowning friends are there to pull you out of the water.
But to no fault of anyone but myself I have left all of those people behind, leaving me trying to pull myself out of the water.
The wind catches my wings and I am running away from something thats been chasing me since the beginning.
Running away from a feeling I will never understand
I'm sorry to everyone I abandoned in the wreckage.
I'm still to scared to look through the rubble of my life.
Even if it means saving the people I loved.
Yet again yes ik super short. I might make it longer, but at the moment its short and sweet. At the time I wrote it, it served its purpose, as a way to let out the aching feeling I was dealing with.